I'm not dying therefore I will not eat light ranch.

I told a random lady today that I had breast cancer.
She leaned over to me while I was relaxing against a wall, sucking on a cigarette, and said, "You know, you are killing yourself slowly."

I hate people who
1. push religion
2. try to sell me things
3. and people who tell me exactly how to behave in life, as if, they are perfect beings themselves.

This lady looks like she doesn't brush her teeth, so my first instinct was to say, "Do you know your teeth are rotting?" Instead, I sighed, pushed the rotting remark out of my head and said, "Well, the cancer will kill me first." She, thinking she had won, smartly said, "That's what I mean! Cigarettes give you cancer. OK, the cancer is really what will kill you, but it will be because you are smoking."

People with this much conviction should have been running from my second hand smoke, not standing within a foot of it. It was obvious that this woman just got her jollies from making other people hate her.

"I meant my breast cancer," I said, trying to look pathetic, "I just found out today I have it. I expected it all along because it runs in the family, but I never thought I'd get it at 25! What am I going to do? I'm too young to die. I don't even smoke, I just thought, 'Why not?' I'm already a lost cause."
I looked at her pleadingly.
She was obviously uncomfortable and had no idea what to say.
"Oh, um, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."
She walked off.
I held my pathetic look until she was around the corner and then I smiled to myself.

I'm on the fast track to hell, mon amie.